What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
