i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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