my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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