On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
