hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
