Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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