I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
