I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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