dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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