she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
