so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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