i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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