I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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