I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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