Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
