My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
40s are totally the cure
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
