and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
