Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
