I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Come share oat with me in your robe
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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