Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's rum buckets o'clock
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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