Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
