My friends, they love my intelligence
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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