So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
