i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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