It's Friday. Sex?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
