oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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