I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
