mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
