Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
