You really coming over, don't trick.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
