I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
jump out the window naked night went bad
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