Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The air was thick with penises
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
