It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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