sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
