I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
