I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
