well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
