Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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