so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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