I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
we're so committed to being not committed
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
