Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have peed in a lot of sinks
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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