I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
