Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And the cops told us we were all naked.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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