I only kidnapped one of them. chill
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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