**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
