textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Someone signed my nipple.
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