i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
