For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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