he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
