Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What a dumb baby whore.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
