Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
