I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
