I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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