If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
