dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
