I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
