So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
