How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
