I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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