How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
