oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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