Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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