So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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