i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
