On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I love how my cats smell like pot.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
