I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
