Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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