Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
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i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
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You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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