the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
