I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's like God shit irony all over that family
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick