I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME