I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
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I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
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I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux