epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
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You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
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Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.