Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
