That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
we're so committed to being not committed
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
