Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
