I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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