Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
