apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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