I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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