She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
